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Sunday, July 17, 2005

sometimes i wonder y ppl tik i'm wrong when i noe i aint

it's so funny.
on most topics i hav been wif most frens
i definitely noe tat much tho not a lot
n they'll argue wif me til i appear a fool
n not just a social fool but a fool of e topic?
i dun get a distinction 4 an international science award(more on general knowledge)
for nothing u noe... i open up children's encyclopaedias for fun when i was a kid.n schim thru lik mad. i was not a reader but i pick up facts lik a sponge by jus readin e interestin bitstho i wished i had tat much diligence now

granted i dunno it as much as i would lik 2

but when a person tells me cold fusion is true
i wana slap him
i wana pulverise him n incinerate him
argue lik shit
then he go check it out
(remember he was e original fool of e topic who noes NOTHING abt e topic, so he goes researchin n pickin on small points brought up in the arguement lik "But u said it was NEVER done wat")
it's not abt e topic but abt tat he has 2 prove he's more right than me
n tell me i'm wrong
in a lab n on a small scale
they've
"practically simulated"
(wonder wat tat means)
fusion
but tat's not cold fusion!
it was done wif a huge temperature

e ITER project is goin 2 reproduce
e sun's temperatures in a "safe controlled environment"

man i'm pissin in my pants already

wonder wat happens if such temperatures get out of control
and escapes tat "safe controlled environment"
into the atmosphere

ok i'll give e scientist e benefit of e doubt n the benefit of e ignorance of a concerned citizen of Gaia. (man how many "of"s were in the last sentence man...)

ok ok... i'm jus complainin abt a particular flaw of my life

my whole life my lack of assertiveness in spite of the fact of topics i'm very familiar
wif, has made me appear a dumb arse in front of so many ppl

i only noe now tat ppl take advantage of my agitatedness as a wpn of argument.
"Ure so ji tong now, u sure u tikin straight or not?"

e more i encounter realities of life n reality of my being becomin more n more
"'real" wif the society freaks me out

y did my dad raise me in n environment tat idealised society is possible.
y did he nurture me into tikin about idealisms by makin me read Bible comics n
drillin in my head principle-based learnin?

now i find society incomprehensible
ppl purposely do things 2 each other
ppl stil find "paid pleasures" in spite of a marriage vow
ppl behave according 2 feelings not ideals or logic
ppl act against rivals in love or study etc VERY proactively

i lost my head on many occasions
i lost my principles tryin 2 adapt n m now regretting
i lost my beliefs
i lost my dignity cos ppl tik i'm a total fool n not worth an ear 2
i lost my ex 2 a guy who went all out 2 steal her, n i tot trust was all tat was needed
i lost dollars on worthless ventures
i lost my soul
i lost my heart
i have lost myself...

i feel lik many ppl in one...
when i do certain things now
i wonder...
is tat u Gabriel...
if ure e kind, moral, impressive student(many teachers tot i'd b top student in my sec sch)
upright, etc person...
y r u doing these?

at least now i can do one thing tat i can definitely stick 2

when i say
"I'm not worthy 2 receive him"
tat's also been said by every hypocrite in church
i MEAN IT.
in action n in mind

i'm jus whining obviously
everybody has his moods
i just do it in a very scrutinizing, analytical manner
no worries
i'll snap outta it
ppl need outlets.


Yours
TenseGabe