i'm sure ppl who read my blog are shocked
it's an avenue to vent frustrations where I don't hold back my thoughts n feelings
i let them flow.
ppl hav bad moods n say/think/feel/behave (in) unclean/dirty/immoral things all the time.
not much justifications for such... but to me it's good enough
I'll b judged upon my actions n thoughts someday soon enough.
In the meantime...
I'll b me as much as possible
the practical me seldom comes out n always moves to temptations
thank God nature works better than nuture
(or u can say, interior intergrity is always stronger than external influences)
but sometimes
(cmon admit it)
I hate God for giving me such gifts/flaws
i also love God for giving me such gifts/flaws
so the conclusion is
we're humans who act based on moods.
the one who can surpress the evil moods/thoughts/feelings
n avoid doing subsequent actions is blessed.
so in times of such bad moods...
the thoughts
the feelings
the urges
i write them here.
we shall all pray that we can all do the same
it's a journal afterall
to pen one's thoughts.
8:03 PM
Friday, February 11, 2005
WARNING!: DO NOT READ IF U DO NOT WANT "CONSTANTINE" SPOILERS!Constantine... goodo movie...
really put Catholicism into perpective for me...
a refreshingly new one too...
it's new not in the sense tat it's new to Catholics
it's new simply because it's not a side of Catholicism
I think,
most people would focus on.
Self-Sacrifice.
obvious but not prevalent in the normal Catholic's life i guess.
Makes me wonder...
hav i done anything out of my way for someone lately?
let's examine the implications of the word.
God would definitely want such "Self-sacrifice"
to be "clean".
In other words, without ill-intentions.
How often have we helped others in order to help ourselves?
Direct or indirect?
Helping a lonely old man cross the road and offering to help around his house
to give good impressions upon him and his ravishing daughter?
uh uh uh.... big NO NO
Altruism... One of the most difficult action words to ever exists in the dictionary.Make one's intentions pure and goodSelfless aid to every person regardsless of their social status, background, relationship to you, etc...it's the ultimate test... Altruism - the quality of one's inside thoughts/feelings tied to the actions taken towards/against men...Constantine have done so much good but was already going to helland his only ticket was to sacrifice his life...to be honest, I don't think that's the case with God.The movie have a certain "protestant" view to it.In terms of the similar narrow minded concept - believe in Him and you'll go to heaven..Lamers.... Don't you know the Devil truly believes that God exists?!He also believes he can outwit him..Key to sin/hell..But i liked the Angel Gabriel's words - (a very androgynous looking actress who smirks of a uncanny resemblence to such hermaphrodite figures that Leonardo Di Vinci weaved outta his own hand upon paper/canvas)All of us already have a place, waiting for us, in Heaven. Repent. And it is yours.(her/him calling God as a child calls his father probably saved him/her)But I doubt God is interpreted accurately.Nobody knows Him in person and a higher being can never be understood by us mere mortals.SO WHY CAN'T WE JUST BELIEVE?!?! AND NOT DOUBT?!Anyway, back to God's misinterpretation...(another side track before I lose tat trail of thought- funny how I should have such inquisitiveness into God from such a young age and more than willing to inform ppl what I have thought abt this topic.... God's messenger = Angel Gabriel? scary...)I believe one have to just do good and he'll be granted a place in heaven...Doing good often require sacrifices of time/money/ etc.So even Constantine don't have to wager all the time for a longer life.He was doing good all along..The movie assumes there's a balance between Good n Evil / God n the devil.I don't think so...These "God n the devil" movies keep poppin up these days... really scary... but such movies actually tests us to the end.... makes us think and think about our faith... such thought is dangerous... it can breed doubt... the ultimate baby step that he, that fallen angel, have hoped for.you doubt... ure more vulnerable...which i am goin to make the truly hypocritical/contradictory stance...I myself am goin to test whichever ultimate being it should test...I don't doubt... i truly believe...I'll definitely do good wif all my heart and all my soul and find new meanings to the wordsSelf-sacrificeAltruismForgivenessRepentanceBut there're certain sins I can't not do at the momentIn my development as a human being who wants to find his meaning in life with repect to the world... I can't not do them..I have to be streetsmart to live in this world n learn to sympathise with sinners and the unfortunate...thusi'm more than willing to put myself in their shoes...EDITED (130205)I'll do as much good as possible yet do not hold back certain "sins" that can do more goodthan bad, to my character development.a closet catholic who knows what is wrong n avoids these "wrong" children of God have also displaye prejudice n thus have sinned by not doin anythin for themwhoever tests us on earthI'LL TEST YOU TOO!
9:47 PM
Women should be treated well...
regardless of their status/position
man have done too much wrong to them already
10:43 AM
Saturday, February 05, 2005
no more philosophical jargon...
but i can b quite the liar
a few sprinklings of it perhaps?
my week....
this week hav been madness!
RSM must hav gotten the "headache" syndrome from his wife!
screws lik nobody's biz n 4 the cheapest issues...
we were all wondering if we could get the long off that
CO's giving the battalion for CNY.
on Fri, all of the RPs (finally) decided to buck up n
no more monkey biz
so, coincidentally,
it turned out that he would come in our guard room
more often than the rest of the week combined!
not a single fuk the whole day...
YATTA!
yet he came up to us n said that he knows how much we've been workin
and when holiday comes he know what to do with us...
no. 1 -
if it's not to be... i'll b damn bleedin' frustrated with the lot wot!
4 their-old-man-in-some-dirt-hole's sake!
can't these ppl realise tat our lives r so good at the moment n tat
we should b workin 2 the minimal lvl 2 say the least?
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
They go on playin arcade in canteen n sleepin for more than their usual share!
i seldom go beyond 2 hours of napping n they can go 4 3-5!
wfh!!!
if it wasn't for me being nice n doin everythin
they'd long ago had their privileges withdrawn!
i'm fuming by the ears!
knight online
fuking hell!
i delvled from 93% to 75%!
now i got no mood to play
feels lik ure wastin ur freakin time
cos the xp is lower than the at the beginning 5 hours u put in!
got scammed of my good items 3 wks back
n still incensed by it!
y do such motherfukers even exists!
where's their bleedin intergrity wot!
this world is so dirty
how do i clean it up?1?1
hmmm...
3:44 PM
