Friday, July 29, 2005
Not going 2 give myself excuses anymore.
A fren gave me 2 bits of advice over last few weeks
1) Dun think so much, jus do.
2) I believe u can b _____(fill in blanks) if u put ur mind to it
You can b anythin u wana b.
Now, i'll apply that to as many aspects of my life
If i wana b fit. I can't write abt or think abt.
I'll need 2 work on it
If i wana get more "orgasmic response" from my sax
I'll need to practice more
Then there's also e excuse of only wanting to pursue
e fairer sex (ok ok ! i'm not so tanned either!) only after my
life's settled.
U noe wat? i tik tat's n excuse 2.
i was very close once 2 this lady older than me by 4-5 years in salsa
class. We clicked on n off e dance floor. I understood her moods n what turns her off. She understood my mentality on life n my character n personality. She loves dancing wif me(altho i'd say tat most of the ladies do enjoy tat much =p). I DEFINITELY loved dancing wif her. On hindsight she was easily one of few ppl in my life tat i can say gelled nicely wif me. I only met her once a wk back then n we talk lik old buds.
Now she's married n i'm goin : phooey! =<
She probably treats me lik a bro tho. Her sponaneity, groove n rhythm n love for salsa appealed to my senses. Mayb e age difference was an excuse 4 me not 2 pursue her. funny thing is i always handled older ppl better n talked better with them then my peers. it's only my peers who can get me down. Why? i personally feel tat e young's utter need 4 attention n social status wif their peers is a lil over powering n disgusting. E older i talked 2 in my quest for my own life last time were SO much more intriguing 2 talk 2. they dun look u up or down.... ANYWAY BACK 2 TAT LADY aka topic!
But wat if, i treated her as a prospect instead of thinkin her as one. I'd ask her out more often. Whether it's b4 or after class. I'd do more basically.
Which is a lesson i learnt. I went back 2 salsa @ LA connections 1 1/2 months back hoping jus 2 revive my interest in e sport/hobby/etc.
Then i scanned thru e class n saw this other girl i enjoyed dancing wif back in my hey days. She lost weight n grew taller(much indulged by my sensory organs - aka sweet!) She's a German girl who studied in US b4 comin 2 SG frm Sec 3 onwards n now studyin in some engineering course in NTU(wait a min... or was it biz in NUS...). Coincidentally, she also lost touch of salsa 4 a year n jus joined this class cos she's having her hols. I took more initiative, talked 2 her... danced wif her after class... walked her 2 bus stop etc, u noe e usual. She has a bf but i'm goin f*** it. Jus get 2 noe her better. E wk i was supposed 2 ask 4 her hp no. was e wk confirmation n ordination mass prac started on Suns. Oh well! lose some , snooze some. My priorities r set n self-pleasures r a big no-no.
Now i'm not givin myself excuses. i'll talk 2 ppl more. I'll do more self-recovery not self-discovery. I'm goin back 2 my roots. When tikin abt my interests in life. I always loved animals n nature m had a very conservationalistic outlook on life. Everythin i did was not 2 endanger wildlife. I don't litter/smoke/wana drive/etc cos i dun wana contribute 2 e waste/pollution tat is wrecking up e environment. I was tikin abt wat God has in store 4 me n wat r my roots, when e radio played a song i always loved since i was a child. N Easily one of e most affected songs of my life.
Heal e world.
I nearly cried.
So i'm doin this slowly
I wana take a quiet time out @ Bukit Timah nature reserves n other reservoirs on as many wkends as possible. bring my books 2 read n soak in mother nature. I'll get a bike 4 myself n my sis in yearend. so we can cycle 2 neigbhouring ones. Read more abt wat in these places. THEN, i'll go back 2 nature guiding n c if i'm cut out 4 it. Was on the nature guiding volunteer course. C how lo. I just wana get stuck on my environmental conscience b4 i bcome 2 practical. I dun believe i cannot b kind, good, environmentalistic n rich @ e same time in future. Frens tell me tat in life, 2 b rich one must b ruthless. 2 me it's a lil immoral, but oh well give n take. I bet God's scratchin his head abt Bill Gates now.
Hell!~ i'll prob ask some frens along when i'm goin 2 these nature reserves. C who keen.
GAB'S MEGA PLAN - 2 b e holistic multi-facted piece of confused shait i've always wanted 2 b:
Environmentalist
SAXophonist
Salsaro
Web designer
BedRocker! (jus kiddin)
And all that's not even goin 2 b part of my present job!
Time-management man... If i can create e above into money spinners, ever better!
I'm idealistic by nature, so sue me. I'm who i m.
I've this other idea too.
There was a story i dun remember e boy's name tho. He created this ""Build-a-well"
thing in a state in africa. By improving e lifestyles of e ppl there by a tiny bit, we can build a better place 4 em.
Now, how abt a global, "Build-a-wind-turbine" Or "build-a-solar-cell"?
it's work good in countries wif lil or no resources 2 build large scale plants.
every rooftop hav 1 wine-turbine n solar-cell AND contributing 2 e global energy network? how do i get this word out......
man i'm bored! off duty in guardroom wif time 2 spare.
we're ending guard duty soon man!
@ 4am!
goin home liao!!!
