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Monday, March 07, 2005

there's internet @ Heng Chun Camp!!
looks lik it's goin 2 seem lik i didn't even leave!
i'm stil goin 2 haunt u ppl!

anyway...
first day here still a bit relaxed la
day's 12C
n night's like7-8C?
i'm jus guessing but it's freaking cold @ night..

nothing much 2 say more..
cos military stuff is classified (bet Mel's goin "lam pah ah!")

oh wel...
it's been cool

cya ppls!

(EDITED 9.11PM)
the day's ok as the sun's out in e open lik some french whore...
satisfyin us wif her heat
no cloud cover...
but the wind's a killer...
lame thing is i decided 2 bathe in the afternoon cos of the heat..
went in n there's no warm water frm e warm water tap
lan lan...
froze my butt off
my fren went in n was there 15 mins while i was chattin wif him(NOTHIN MORE)
cos he had warm water...
look lik i had 2 b e guinea pig 2 rid the supply of cold water..

cockanathan...
life's a bit weird 4 me when i reflected on this
i can b damn suay on certain things
but lucky on other
in sch i was always lucky.. (in KO too mayb)
in life... not so lucky...

not only really suay ah

i'm lik e perfect "suanable" person
i get it frm every social grp since my memory serves
i get suaned 4 being gay cos - (PERFECTLY) i resemble one in both appearances n
my hobbies (no... i dun go aroun screwing man arses.. geylang ji mayb... =p)
super fair... no body hair... (somebody even mistook my legs 4 ladie's legs b4)
latin dance/salsa/hiphop/modern/singing (last 2 were jus "flings" in poly)
e performance in church xmas wil always bring a "head-bangin" memory back
wtf...
kanina... lucky i NOE
i'm more than a man...
but recent "short comings"
make me rethink...
prob i'm not tat gd afterall...
(guess)

lol

anyway...
away frm this topic of least enjoyment..

i must control certain undesirable habits of my being
if i ever wana re-live a time when nothing fazes me
i must...
i have to..
i will...

but another side of me (some frens too)
keep encouraging me 2 "b a man"

some of these advice r gd la...
1) lik keep being sincere n persist n call em when chasing after women
even when they're attached... (not really gd advice but at least it means to not give up)
2) b more assertive n bold cos i'm easy 2 makan... can't always let ppl walk over me... one experience in guard room helped me understand this... one lady had cam hp n wanted 2 bring it in but didn't make a fuss jus kept persuading me... i was being nice n all saying "sorry sorry cannot come in la... i'll get scolded". my fren took over frm me n sounded more "bastard" n she turned in her hp... he told me she was makaning me n tat i should b more "aggressive n MAN(get tat all e time)"

but certain things lik finding time 2 hiung, run away frm responsibilities, smoking, women etc...
those i'm trying not to do (or quit)

how can one b more man frm "standing up for my self-interest n find more time 2 sleep more than others.."
sound so stupid...
then again
letting em bully me 2 do e work n take e scolding can also make me feel quite
fuked up...
how how....

i tik i'll jus do the usual things tat got me so garang years ago
stay focused
consistancy n constancy(no point doin somethin n stoppin halfway)
persistance
dare 2 b different
dare 2 dream
make goals n pursue em methodically n plan..
think of e big picture

easier said than done..
but i'll try

i won't use e slogan
"Do, not Try"
cos i simply do not live up 2 it at this present moment..

yours
cynical gabe (tryin 2 sound optimistic)